Survivor, or the one that was just messed up

Things start out promisingly. The reward challenge is fun, with my two favorite players in the game doing great, and the two others sucking. At this point I don't really care who wins because I like both Todd and Amanda, but my heart is for Amanda because, well, I don't know why really, I just like her more. And she wins. The editing was a little sloppy and when she finished the puzzle it wasn't with much fanfare, so at first I thought Jeff was going to say she'd done it wrong. But she didn't, my girl totally rocked it.

Of course there is strategic sharing of food, which I always love love love. And I totally thought she made the right choice, you have to keep your biggest enemy close at this point, even though I did worry about giving him the energy to make him more competitive in the last challenge. But if she hadn't picked him, he would have plotted against her. He was acting all weird, being like "I don't know why she doesn't trust me, I've always been true to Amanda", which is sort of a bald faced lie since he tried to talk the other girls into voting for her last week, but I really think he believed it. Weird.

Denise continued to suffer from the "No one likes me and I feel so sorry for myself" disease that she must have picked up from Rupert, which really started to get on my nerves. And the other three keep talking about how hard Denise would be to beat in the end. Are you kidding? Have they ever watched Survivor before? There has never, not once ever, been a pity vote. Ask Twila, who not only deserved the pity vote but just the vote in general and still lost to lame-ass Dave by one vote.

So up comes the immunity challenge, which is different I guess so its ok, even if it isn't terribly interesting or anything. Denise tries to make a deal, which is the first interesting thing she has done in the entire game. And Amanda totally shuts her down, which is awesome, but she does it in a very smart way, saying "Don't give up on me, let's just fight it out!" Brilliant, you are not giving anything away but you are totally in it to win it and take her out. And Amanda wins the third challenge in a row. In my mind, she just won the game. I still want her to go up against Todd, because it will be more interesting, but I totally think she can beat him.

Denise is fighting, and in the worst pathetic way possible. Courtney cuts her to shreds, which was totally harsh, but sort of true. Not about the sucking at life part, which I don't believe at all, just watch her shine doing karate, and I will assume she is a totally awesome mom. But at this game, she is lame and sad and I hate that she is actively trying to make me feel sorry for her. She is also trying to make Amanda feel sorry for her, and Amanda turns out to be a sucker and starts to fall for it. Crap. And though I don't quite realize it yet, Denise just totally sabatoged Amanda.

Tribal council, Denise practically starts begging people to like her, and with an assist from Jeff Todd makes a devastating call out of Amanda. And that is it for her. She turns into a girl and gets emotional, and never recovers. I even believe Todd didn't do it on purpose, he isn't that smart, he was just really lucky.

The next day Amanda seems to have recovered. I'm hoping. They get instructions to row across the lake to some big statue to do the walk of the dead thing. Did you notice in the arial views of the statue you can see a modern city behind it? They are hardly in rural China in the middle of nowhere. There are people and tourists all around them, I bet they can hear cars from their campsite. I'm under no illusion that Survivor is really as isolated as they make it seem, but I bet this is the least isolated season they've ever had. Also weird, during the walk of the dead, it is Courtney who says the most nice things about people. I swear we are in bizzaro Survivor all of the sudden.

So final council. Amanda, who I sincerely believe to be the most deserving of the win, crashes and burns. She zeros in on the Eric vibe and tries to be "nice". WTF??? You are playing against Todd! You have to outwit him to win. PG is right, your doe eyes, as gorgeous as they are, are not enough to win this game. She needs to stand up and say "I won the last three challenges in a row. How many did Todd win? How many did Courtney win? They are great players, but I am better." Alas, she doesn't. Todd starts off weak himself, but eventually he goes there. He has always been a good talker, and he does a great job here.

So continuing the bizzaro world, I'm a little thrown by who is a good jury person and who decides to be miserable. James, who I always thought was a little, well, stupid, gets kicked off the show and then turns into this great guy. Gives a great death speech, and then shames practically everyone to follow with "I'm no Bitter Betty". Good for you dude. JR, predictably, is a Bitter Betty. Courtney is having none of it, which I actually am forced to admire her for, Amanda fuddles through, and Todd nails it. Frosti has some hurt feelings, but is ok. Eric is a little weird but fine. PG is a bitch, but that is just her, I don't even remember her question now but I don't remember it being too bad. Then sweet Jamie stands up. Clearly she was handed the mantle from Alex last season, and does the totally stupid "I'm going to ask you a totally stupid and mean spirited question and no matter what you say I'm going to repeatedly cut you off unless you can be meaner and nastier than me." Jamie, you suck. Officially. Then, Denise. Poor, sufferable Denise. I want to fast-forward. I just don't get it. These people don't just get kidnapped off the street to be on Survivor. They don't get entered by a friend. They have to actively apply and work at getting on the show. I've filled out the application, I've made a video. (My application, by the way, totally rocked out, but I'm big enough to admit my video totally sucked.) The point is, it takes a lot of work. So how can you be even partially aware of the show and not understand that THIS IS A GAME!!! This is not about self worth, this is not about the "good" guys beating the "bad" guys, this is certainly not about integrity and honesty, and THIS IS NOT ABOUT THERAPY. After fourteen or whatever seasons, I certainly have this figured out, I don't know why there always are contestants who just never get it, and it drives me bonkers. Todd nails it again. "My relationships with you are real. But I was here to play a game, and by playing the game I lied to you." Can we all say "Duh!" together now?

So Todd wins it. I have to say I'm fine with that. I still think it was Amanda's to win, but she blew the final challenge, and let Todd talk it away from her.

But then we go to the reunion show. Besides having the most ridiculous haircut imaginable, Todd also seems to be wearing lipstick which sort of freaks me out. But then he breaks cardinal rule #1: Be a gracious winner. I can't believe he was that rude to Jean-Robert, especially since he was not even being truthful. He totally voted out JR because he thought he was a threat. He wasn't just stoking his ego when he said that, it was the truth, he was worried that JR would stir things up. So to be that rude to him on TV is just pathetic. Courtney gets two votes, which is just crazy. Although I will say that I liked that Courtney wasn't taking the crap in the last tribal. She is the last person I'd ever want to hang out with, but I will give her credit for saying what she means. However, that is hardly a reason to vote for her to be the ultimate Survivor. I can only hope that a love-struck Frosti was the other person who voted for her.

JR is lame. James is awesome. Whatever my reservations about him, he gets that it is a game, and seems genuinely low key, and I respect that a lot. Denise makes me super uncomfortable. I can't say anything else without being mean, and I don't mean to be mean to her. But Survivor is supposed to be fun, it isn't supposed to make me feel like I'm on the street walking by a homeless guy and not giving him any change. You made it to fourth out of 16, could have made it to third had you, you know, actually been a good player, and I'm supposed to believe you are a victim? James wins money in some popularity contest I've never heard of, and Mark Burnett gives some more to Denise. Which, ok, that is great for her. But Twila was just as bad off, but she didn't cry about it so she got nothing. I REALLY don't like the precedent this sets.

I've not had as much fun with any show like I've loved Survivor. It is a perfect set-up, brilliantly conceived, generally well-executed, and still has Probst, the best TV host ever. And there has been a lot to enjoy this season, some fun intrigue and great game playing and some beautiful scenery footage. (Did anyone notice that in the B-footage we watched three different katydids get eaten by frogs and wasps in just this episode? I'd hate to be a katydid in China.) But I'm sorry, this is officially my nomination for worst season so far. Todd would have been eaten alive by Rich Hatch. And who knows, may be on a future All-Star episode, heh. Leslie and the wrestler and Aaron were all potentially interesting, but got voted off too early. This game really sucked for Aaron, I wish he'd had more of a chance.

I can't believe Jeff asked Eric if he was still a virgin. Talk about pandering, that is worse than all the stupid Sprint pitches he made. However, I remain a Jeff fanboy, because even when he is being a jerk he is still superfine. Also, is this the first time no one has won a car? What is up with that?

So now we have to wait for February. Superfans vs superstars. Interesting, very interesting. I wonder who they will bring back from this season? Will we get more Yao? Ozzie? There are some delicious possibilities, that is for sure. I suppose I could find out with a quick "Survivor spoilers" google search, but perhaps I'll wait, like a new parent who doesn't want to know the sex of the baby before delivery.

It always gets tough in February, when both Survivor and American Idol are on at the same time. Thank goodness for Tivo!