Survivor, or the one that proves Fairplay is no match for Rob

So I wasn't positive that I was interested in doing recaps of Survivor again. I mean, the last season just finished, and as much as I love the show I think I was ready, well, to "take a break". Not a break-up or anything, I just wanted some time off to enjoy Idol and Runway, which provide more than enough TV for me. But last night proved that even in its 17th season, the best show on TV can still provide a surprise or two, so I guess I'm hooked again. Oh well, I never liked those hour-long Idol elimination shows they schedule against Survivor anyway.

So this season is "Fans VS Favorites", which to me sort of muddies the appealing concept of the all-star approach. Yeah, it was cool when they brought back Stephanie and Bobby-John, but at that point Stephanie was my all-time favorite. This time I feel torn, because I have a lot of residual loyalty to some of the "favorites" (a term I kind of hate), but what I love about this game is meeting new and interesting people, so I also want the newbies to kick butt. So I'm in a quandary about whom to root for.

Of the all-stars, the good guys happily outweigh the bad ones. Amanda and James, two of the best players from last season are back, and are great choices. Even though Amanda sort of blew it right at the end, I'm hoping she learned her lesson and keeps her game strong throughout this time. Of course, they probably filmed this version before she saw the last season, so who knows if her or James had any chance to really watch and learn. I was always very hesitant about James last season, but even if he isn't the smartest tool in the shed, the wisdom and maturity he showed when he was kicked off really have made me a fan.

Ozzy is a machine and he and James should make a kick-ass team. Yao-Man is awesome. Parvati is perhaps a bit one-dimensional, but remains very appealing. I'm really excited about Amie, whom I had wanted to win her season (where a lame catfight resulted in the most boring of all Survivor winners, was his name Brian or something, I can't even remember). Eliza I can't remember as well as the others, so I don't remember exactly why but somehow I have some rather negative feelings towards her. (And the rumors were that Julie, also from her season, who is or at least was dating Probst, was supposed to be coming back, and I would have much preferred her.) However the only person I was really disappointed to see was, of course, Fairplay, who is an idiot. As one who appreciates the outwit part of the game, you might think I'd be fond of him, but the loser is so slimy that he just grosses me out. So when the producers gave him the star entrance, all of my nightmares came true at once as I realized that not only were they counting on him being the villain, but they were going to give him every opportunity to do so. ::sigh::

Other than him, things start off fun enough with a mad inter-island swim to win an individual immunity. One of the cocky newcomers wants to show that he can keep up with Ozzy, and actually does. Me like. However both of them run right past the idols, leaving good old Fairplay to find it. Unfortunately he finds the other teams, so he and Yao rush the right one, and Yao gets it. Fairplay then proceeds to complain about how poor little him was tackled and beaten up by an evil man who, of course, is like three times his age. My head was in my hands, I really can't imagine dealing with this for long. Then the evil Yao helps a woman from the other team find hers. He probably wanted to tackle her too, but Fairplay held him back.

Prior to the immunity challenge, we get brief introductions of the new players, but then spend a lot of time watching the Favorites pick alliances and talk about who they want to vote out. Hmmmmm, I wonder who is going to lose the challenge? I call this way lame editing, because it makes the actual challenge totally boring since I know the outcome before it even begins. Anyhoo, in an interesting sort of tangled twist, Ozzy and Amanda start flirting, and James and Parvati start flirting, and somehow before you know it four of my favorite players are in an alliance of couples. I'm loving that, and am very curious how it will unfold. Unfortunately that leaves my darling Amie stuck with Eliza, Jonathan and Yao, which leaves my loyalties divided. Jonathan I might even end up liking, he did well in his season until his attempt at Outwit totally backfired. Also I like him because if you close your eyes when he is talking he sounds exactly like Alan Alda. So each of these teams of four turn to Fairplay as the swing vote. Apparently there has been a time/space vortex of some kind, because Cirie has vanished without a trace. No one consults her, no one talks to her, no one considers, hmmm, maybe it would be good to get her on our alliance rather than wait for the other team to get her. I had mixed feelings about her last time, but she lasted a long time which impressed, and also she is a nurse, so I have to have her back now.

The challenge was an interesting one, but, as was heavily foreshadowed, the Favorites were routed. Whatever. So it will be a showdown between Eliza and Parvati, because these Survivors know the ropes and aren't wasting time voting off the invisible Cirie, they are out to solidify their power alliances.

But then Fairplay starts talking about wanting to go home, because his girlfriend is 7 months pregnant and he wants to be responsible for once in his life. Him lying about home is of course nothing new, but before he lies to his teammates, he lies to the camera, to us the viewers. He even starts fake crying, which is obviously fake crying, but then the weird part happens, and after he fake cries he doesn't start laughing about his evil plan to trick everyone. He just keeps fake crying. What kind of weird trick is he up to with that? Parvati comes to the rescue and tells him to tell the other team to vote for him, and they will vote for Eliza. And he starts telling them. But dude, even for you it is WAY too early to be playing that hard. Ozzy is my hero and totally calls him out on his need to play the villain. But David and I are chatting away and can't seem to see the logic behind his move here.

At tribal, Jeff lays into him, which is always satisfying. He accuses him of quitting, which Fairplay denies, and his teammates defend him. But I would defend him too, because I know he has to be up to something. And the crazy thing is, he isn't. He gets voted off unanimously. Now, this is by far the best of all possible worlds for anyone who enjoys Survivor, because there is no way he would have been anything but torturous to watch. But still, I just don't get it, like at all. Why would the villain, the guy who claims to be the best player in the history of the game (totally untrue of course), quit at the very first tribal of the season? In his see-ya-later confessional, he claims to be doing the responsible thing, and talks about how everyone has seen a different side of him and have grown to like, even to love him. And suddenly it dawns on me. We are watching a guy who has the absolute worst self-perception of all time. For whatever reason, maybe it even is his impending fatherhood, he has decided to seek redemption. But rather than, you know, actually earning it, he devised this plan to "show" America that he cares more about his unborn child than he does Survivor. But dude, you just aren't that good of an actor, or a screenwriter. I still don't like you, I know for sure the producers of Survivor don't like you, and I doubt your master plan to gain the love of America is going to work. You are one crazy, weird, and unlikable guy, trying one last time to manipulate me. Sorry, but I'm not buying.

But he did surprise, and for that I'm actually grateful. He didn't shout "DAMN!", or declare love at first sight with someone from the other team (although he did demand a hug from an obviously reluctant Probst), but still I always love a good first episode ending. I just couldn't be happier that evil Yao got the immunity idol. Even better, whatever their flaws, I'm left with nine all stars that I actually like. (Well, I don't love Eliza, but she does have those big Disney eyes that are kind of mesmerizing.) And ten newcomers that I can't wait to get to know. This is gonna be fun.