Survivor: Gabon, Episode 5 Recap

Apologies to anyone who cares that I missed recapping last weeks episode. I was busy being awed by killer assassin bugs up at Gettysburg. Seriously. I will say that I was bummed Jacqui got the boot, if only because, unlike Kenny, I think she is way hotter than Kelly. However, Kenny was still very smart to pick Kelly - assuming her apparent uselessness at challenges doesn't doom them, she is the perfect flip vote to get you ahead. Too bad I don't like her - what was up when she was badmouthing Crystal at tribal? Um, calling out your hoped-for alliance doesn't seem all that smart girlie. Just saying.

But bygones are bygones, and lets get to last nights episode. Note to producers: an elephant across the way "near" camp isn't nearly as interesting as you seem to think it is. While I personally would love to see a wild elephant that close, you spent an awfully long time - time that could have been devoted to revealing how pathetic GC is, for example - sitting around ooohhing and aaahhhing at an elephant way off in the bushes. I'm sure it was dramatic in person, on TV, not so much. I know you feel like you have to prove that Africa is indeed awesome, but don't worry, I'm already sold. Until the elephant starts knocking their shelter over, I'm just not that interested. Amanda catching a shark was way better.

I'm convinced Ace has a fake accent. It just comes and goes in intensity. However he must have lived abroad at some point, because his use of language is a little fancy. After watching the pathetic GC get into an argument with Crystal over nothing, he says "Watching them fall apart is very pleasurable". Do you know what else is pleasurable Ace? Watching you get a shield to the face in the challenge. Do you know what was even more pleasurable? Watching you get a pineapple and a half a watermelon in the face at the same time. I know Nick Lachey didn't do that on purpose, but it was awesome. I give you credit for being a good athlete, and unlike some at least you are playing the game. You are just not doing it in a way that makes me like you. Like at all.

I can't wrap my head around Sugar. I like her, she is adorable. But her game is pretty weak, which means I can't totally get behind her.

The only thing I have to say about GC isn't even about him. It is about noting that there is very obviously a racist producer on Survivor. Season after season, we get a totally lame young black guy. Gervais, Clarence, the king of them all quitter Osten, I know there are more but they are rarely that memorable because they end up leaving so quickly, or like the guy who stole Yau-Man's car last a long time despite being totally lame because everyone knows they aren't a threat. There are plenty of awesome young black guys out there. Could we please hire one of them sometime? I mean, really.

Did anyone notice, and I'm sure you did because the cameras were loving it too, at just how much love Marcus was giving Charlie after the fruit challenge? Charlie is in heaven right now. Marcus is either just a very touchy-feely kind of guy (he did have an arm around Nick Lachey too at one point), or else he is brilliantly manipulating Charlie into become a disciple. At this point I can't tell which it is, but either way I am totally ready for Marcus to win it all.

I find myself rooting for Crystal and Kenny and Matty, because I'm always drawn to the underdogs. But I also want Marcus and Corrine and Charlie to win. So I guess I've got torn allegiances at this point. I was VERY happy to see GC go, even if it would have been more interesting to see Sugar get surprised. But here is what I never really get. Everyone always totally freaks out when they find out someone has the idol. "OH NOES! Sugar is so powerful now!" Look at it this way. Right now you have almost as much power, because you know she has it. If you blindside her, the idol goes back out there and who knows who will get it? Remember the Four Horseman, who thought they had all the power until they were totally tricked by the people who knew they had it? Chill out about the idol for now. And after that tribal, Sugar pretty much knows that you know, which will mean lots of fun second-guessing intrigue at the next tribal you go to (which presumably will be next week), which means lots of fun for a game-player like me.

I know there is no way this season is going to measure up to last season, which was the best season ever. But there is still plenty going on for addicts like me. But I will admit, beyond the fruit to the face, my favorite moment was the intro promo, when with the aid of some CGI Jeff breathed fire that formed "Survivor". He is so awesome.