Survivor, or At Least Six Reasons Why This Episode Rocks

Survivor was unpredictably back on form early with episode number 4. So why don't we explore the ways that the show provides me with smiles and sunshine?

First of all, lunch lady speaks. Finally! Not only do I realize that, yes indeed, that was a mullet hiding in the background, but she has a rockin' lunch lady accent too. I don't even remember what she was saying, I was just so excited to see her given some screen time. Her demographic is often one of my favorites (think Deena or T-bird), but is often one that gets booted early, so seeing her speak I was almost afraid that she was about to get voted off. Fortunately they tweaked their formula a bit this week, so the ending surprised even me.

Can we just admit that watching Skinnier Than A Machete gear up in Chinese gladiator garb is plain old-fashioned funny? The challenge was silly, but entertaining enough. Though clearly no one ever took Gravedigger aside and reminded him that if he dominates too much it puts a big fat target on his back in another few episodes. I mean, I'm all for him winning, but the jock adrenaline thing where you have to throw things afterwards because you are just so "pumped up" only draws unwanted attention. I go back and forth with liking him or not, but without developing some people skills right quick I don't think we are looking at a final four player here, which is too bad.

And yes, I am obligated to report there was more foolish editing going on. The thing is, this is Survivor, I don't need anything that fancy. I really hope Burnett reads this blog and takes the Director of Photography or editors or whoever dreamed up this foolishness and reminds them of the KISS principle - Keep It Simple Stupid!

But the deliciousness more than outweighed the foolishness. I was annoyed with Schoolteacher Who Is Making Her Kids Proud With Her Laziness, because give Zoolander the damn shells back already. We all know Zoolander is a dick, but acting like a three year old is not the way to win over any fans, especially me, but more importantly your fellow tribe-mates. Still, when Dave was kidnapped to the other team, I was sure that was disaster for him, that his tribe would plot while he was gone and realize how much happier they are without him. But then a few things happened.

One, he had to give out a clue to the hidden immunity idol so had to get some game going, which of course is my favorite part. As soon as they picked him I said "He will give the clue to GMFA" because, you know, gay guys stick together. And he did, which makes Todd the only person on that team who even knows the idol exists. Now that he has three clues I hope he puts it together. Clearly it is harder to figure out without a camera to point us directly at it, but still, sooner would be better than later boy. Back at the other tribe, instead of plotting against Dave they were being sad that they now had to, you know, actually work now. And schoolteacher is still being lazy, so I thought that was that. The best part though was when they were talking about Dave and they said "He is probably over there kissing all the girls". WTF??? I couldn't tell which of them actually said that or I would mock them. Not that my TV gaydar is perfect, but still, he wants to bring some shells back to his grandma?

The other person to get some rehabilitation editing this week was Poker Man. I'm sorry, I don't care how much I hate you, if you can speak Mandarin you get huge points in my book. And, crazy enough, his strategy appears to be working, at least a little bit. If his crazy scheme actually works, he is going to win me over yet. And skinny girl is so lame, she complains that he yelled at her to WARN HER FROM BURNING HERSELF. How dare he try to protect her? I am going to be sooooo happy the day she is out of my life.

The best part though was the fisherman family. I want to go fishing with birds that catch fish but you tie a string around their neck so they can't swallow them but they are still trained to come back to the boat so you can pull the fish out of their mouths! That was freaking awesome!!

At tribal I was fully expecting Lazy Schoolteacher to go, mostly based on Dave's redemption via editing. As much as he annoys me, I was ok with this because he was doing some plotting and stuff. But they threw me for a loop, and the former model had his final close-up. I hope the tension goes with him, because that kind of crap really is just annoying and cheap. But this is the point where people usually really start getting some game, as long as one tribe doesn't just dominate, so things should be getting better and better every week. Just imagine the smile on Todd's face next week when he sees Dave gone and realizes the gay wedding is off and he is free to make an alliance with a stronger player than a headstrong former model.