Survivor: Tocantins, Episode 3 Recap

Let's just get to it: Coach may be my favorite villain in years. I love that he comes in a shiny, new-agey wrapper. I love that he speaks in pithy metaphor. I love that his ego is so big that he can turn a smile into an expression of pure evil, and then turns it into a crisis of conscience to allow himself to even be near her. And I LOVE the bad Fabio hair. This is the kind of guy that gives aging hippies a bad name. (You KNOW he loves a good drum circle.)

I'm also digging on Fake Mormon. I'm pretty sure I will dislike him by the end, as his "I will laugh as I crush your dreams" speeches come across just a little too rehearsed. But his "relationship" with Coach is just delicious. Coach benevolently christening him "assistant coach", and his subsequent mockery that he will soon demand to be called Coach too? Priceless television entertainment. Thank you!

Otherwise, let's go for a little chronology. All the post-tribal hating on Erinn was pure filler. She was buddies with Boobs, now she is scrambling to save herself. Duh. So for people (i.e. Coach) to feign offense by that is just theatre.

The first challenge was notable only for the blue team to get crushed. It is always hard in these kinds of challenges to assign blame. The caller girl didn't seem like she was slacking or anything (and we've certainly seen people fail mightily at this position in the past.) They just sucked. Coach lets out a few "primal screams" (his words) at the end, that both annoyed and delighted. Annoyed because I HATE people who act like that. Delighted because I HATE people who act like that. Back at camp he starts out complaining, then goes all Deanna Troi and orders everyone else not to go off in little groups and complain about other people. Cue silly music, and cut to Coach going off in a little group and complaining about other people. I LOVE THIS!

Then Coach says that he doesn't care about comfort, and if it meant staying around longer he would bury himself in the sand and get attacked by tarantulas and bitten by spiders. Please, please let that be foreshadowing.

Brandon (Brendan?) and Taj go back to Exile together. I love that these two are playing a new game with this alliance. Stupid Jeff has to call them out on it, although I bet he does that a lot, so hopefully no one takes it too seriously yet. My spider-sense is worried that the show is playing its hand on this alliance too early, and that it won't end up playing out, which is a bummer, cause I'm always in favor of new twists. But maybe I'll get lucky. My problem - I don't trust Sierra any more than Taj does. (And I don't mean that in a bad way. She is here to play the game, which I totally respect. Her dismissal of Coach's stupid vendetta against Erinn was refreshing sanity. Just not sure I can trust what decision she would make if presented with this unusual opportunity.) But we'll see what develops. I was surprised when Brendan found the Idol, I thought it would be harder than that. If they don't send him to Exile next week, he might be forced into an alliance with someone besides Sierra anyways.

Challenge Two was good I usually like the muscles + brains challenges. I usually don't like it when one team starts to dominate, but so far I'm fine with it, cause that keeps the attention focused on Coach. And he continues to deliver, as noted above. Also great was when he reenacted the suspicious smile for his Assistant Coach. "Wait, I've been practicing it." he says. Really. YOU ARE A FREAK! A delicious, finger-licking good freak.

The Tribal banter is a little more pointed than usual, and I love the battle between Erinn and Coach. I mean, Erinn is stupid to engage him like that, I don't care how much you hate him, it is just stupid to give everyone else so much cover to vote for you next time. That said, she is totally right. I seriously doubt Brendan had any motivation to be the group leader, so Coach gets him off the hook. And while everyone besides Erinn seems content to laugh Coach off for now, that won't last forever. I can only imagine a spectacular set-up for his demise, although I'm sure nothing will ever be as satisfying as Randy's ouster from last season, so I shouldn't get my hopes up I suppose.